crazy....hair thoughts

I MISS MY HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm only 2 weeks into having these Senegalese twist and I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo over them. Actually, it's not even 2 weeks yet.

since this is clearly torture, I've told myself that I will not keep them in for longer than a month. They will be coming out 2 weeks before Thanksgiving. The weekend of November 14th to be exact. I think I can handle two more weeks of this.

i did this to protect my hair for the winter but this maybe the last time I ever get braids/twist with extensions. i'm way too interested in doing things to my own hair. experimenting with styles....co-washing a few times a week (my hair dearly misses this. it's all itchy and dirty because i can't really get it clean with these twist. i can't wash as often because with so much hair, it gets heavy and takes a long time to dry. now it actually is getting cold out and i don't want a head full of waist length wet hair when i go to work at night.)...and my hair needs another deep condish...and i know it's getting dried out from this weave all interlaced with it.

yes...i'm having a little pity party for my hair....yes, i'm completely tripping for no reason....yes, i probably should be wearing a straight jacket right about now for my irrational behavior. BUT after 4 months of getting to know the glorious hair that I have, putting it out of my reach was crazy. i never thought I could possibly miss my hair. BUT...i do.

T-shirt Method

"I got my t-shirt and my panties on..." That's the song I sing in my head when I think about the t-shirt method. Lol! I haven't done this before since my hair is in twa status but read about it and got a nice visual aid from the one and only MSatch. (For those who don't know, she has and awesome head of hair and she does the texlax method of straightening her hair. A rare method from what I've seen but it works awesomely for her. It I should ever go back to a perm, I would definitely texlax.)

Anywho, I washed my Senegalese twist on Saturday. Since they are almost waist length and I was having issues with my hair coming out of them, I wanted to be extremely careful when I dried them. While still in the shower, I bent over and flipped my hair over my head, towards my feet. I held the middle (like a ponytail) and then shook the ends to dispose of the excess water.

Now, I did the t-shirt method a bit differently because of the twist and the lengh. (Check out MSatch's description for a better way) I took a t-shirt that I "borrowed" from one of my best guy friends. I was too big for the neck to fit around my head so I stuck my head through one of the armholes. I wrapped the shirt around my twist then twisted that, again, making it into a type of ponytail. I took the the end and knotted it, to hold it together. I may not do the ends that way again as it was heavy and I could feel it pulling at my hair line. I ended up placing the knotted end on top of my head because it was so uncomfortable.

I only needed it on for about 10-15 minutes and my hair was over 60% dry. I took it off and rubbed shea butter on my scalp, following that up with castor oil.

I'll probably use the t-shirt method when my natural hair has grown out a bit. Mostly using it for when I'm going to style my hair though; ie, twist, twist out.

Tarnished gold or...

Saturday, I got the Senegalese twist done. I was very impressed because the stylist did them in 5 hours. He also didn't do them tightly so my scalp didn't feel like it was being ripped out. I was very pleased with those two things. Oh, and he did them to my lower back which is a great lenght with these type of twist.

That is where my pleasure in this experience ends. I was disappointed because although he works with natural hair, he used a fine tooth comb to detangle my dry curly hair. (I should have said something.) The finished look, although overall fab, was full of fuzzies. (Fuzzies meaning the hair that is usually trimmed or burned away at the end. I actually did a bit of trimming when I got home.) While irritating, I felt like I could deal with those things. Not that big of a deal.

But, this final issue...a very big deal. When I left the salon, I felt like my own hair was sticking out of the twist too much. I just felt that next time I do these twist, I need to blow dry my hair. I'm thinking it was probably because my hair was in it's natural curly state that this was causing and issue. As the week went on, more and more of my hair seemed to be sprouting from the twist. Yesterday morning, Saturday, I woke up because my head was itching very badly. I hadn't washed since last Friday. I watered down some poo and massaged it into my scalp. I shook the excess water from the ends and used the tshirt method to dry my hair. (I'll explain that in my next post.) When I removed the tshirt, it looked like the twist had been in for over a month, not a week. My hair was sticking out everywhere!

I was familiar with the basics of doing the twist so I carefully untwisted one. I examined the way he braided the hair into mine and then took it all the way out. I retwisted and then tackled the next one. (I'm using shea and ic fantasia gel to twist) I must say, I'm doing a pretty good job. My hair is looking better than it did last Saturday. Hardly any fuzzies at all! So although I'm upset that I paid for a style that should have lasted 3 months and barely lasted a week, I learned how to do Senegalese twist!

Silver lining people....silver lining.

Enter the Soapbox

Let me first say, I don't have anything against a woman with a perm. I may be one of the few naturals I know, but I had a perm for a long time and loved it. Second, let me say that I have nothing at all against weave. I had a sew-in for 3 months before my BC.

I have a friend who is a weave queen. She looks fab. The colors and cuts she picks compliment her skin tome and face shape very well. She doesn't wear them until the look messed up. Every few weeks she will purchase a new one. It is extremely rare that anyone sees her real hair. The few special occasions when she is not wearing a wig/hard wrap, she has some type of hair peice added. She feels her hair is healthier than most since she hardly does any manipulation. I have to say, her hair is thick. It would probably look healthier except the weave dries it out. She claims to be growing her hair to APL and then will stop wearing weave. (I say claim because she has been saying this for years and when it gets close, she cuts it in a bob. She does have a perm.)

I always felt she was insecure about her own hair but to each her own. If she wants to rock a wig everyday for the rest of her life, it's cool. Has no affect on me. Since I've gone natural, her insecurities about her hair seem to have mutiplied. Like seeing my hair in it's natural has made her realize her fears of her own hair. She made comments about having nightmares that her hair was short and nappy, causing her to wake up and touch the silky strands of her lace front for comfort. She's told me that my freshly washed hair smells like Jheri Curl. I haven't snapped on her for those comments because I see them for what they are: fear. Right after she makes those comments, she follows them up with statements on how she would go natural but she doesn't have "good hair" like I do. And she doesn't want to cut her hair. I tell her texture doesn't really matter. She'll never know what her's is like until she's natural. And I tell her she doesn't have to BC and that I'll help her through her transition is she honestly wants to try it one day.

The above is no big deal. Just converations we frequently have. What is making me mad is her revelations that she wants hair like a white girl. She has said to me twice in the past few weeks that white girls are lucky because they don't have hair like us. And asked why can't we be lucky like them and have hair like theirs. She feels their hair is better because they don't have to get it done all the time and they can just throw it up in a ponytail whenever they want. We have to get a comb and brush and stand in the mirror to put our hair up. She's upset that even with her weave, she can't achieve a quick pony because she has to make sure the tracks don't show. According to her, it's just not fair that they have better hair.

She's always trying to get me to agree with her on these statements. I keep telling her I don't agree because I love my coarse, thick, curly, nappy, sometimes unruly hair. I love that I can do so many different things. Most white women have the option of wearing their hair up or down. If they want a particular style, it takes hours at the salon, a lot more money than black women spend, and it only last one night. I can get a style for $35 that will last about 2 weeks.

Whether permed or natural, the last thing I envy is another race's hair. I like that I have options with my hair. While hair from anyone's head is unique and beautiful, I will not spend hundreds of dollars a month and never show my hair to emulate someone else's. It makes me angry and sad to see my friend so ashamed of her hair. I used to think the naturals who preached about self-hate in relation to hair were tripping, but I see that in some cases, it really does exists.

Moisture....or lack thereof

I'd been saying for a while that I would make a mixture with my shea butter. I made a mix but didn't say anything about it. Although I was feeling okay about the mix, I wanted to add som EO (essential oils) and other butters to it. I just never got around to doing it.

Currently the mixture is Shea, EVOO and Hollywood Castor Oil (it had a bunch of stuff that I can't pronounce mixed in it. I'm sure I won't be using it in the mix but I needed to add something and it was what I had. I have a lot because it's so heavy and thick, only a small amount is needed. I'm thinking I'll use it on my scalp this winter while I have the Senegalese twist in so I can try and get rid of it.)

Since I had the shea and HCO in the mix, I figured it would work as both moisturizer and sealer like pure shea does for me. WRONG! It wasn't doing any type of moisturizer, just coating my hair. My hair has been dry and rough for weeks and I couldn't figure out why. At first, it was feeling this way and the suddenly...dryness. I talked to MSatch and tossed around ideas like maybe it was because of my monthly cycle (she laughed at me) and that I wasn't drinking enough water and eating properly.

A few days later, I realized the problem. I had stopped using my beloved NHCP because I'd run out and the store I get it from was out of stock also. So I was just using the mix hoping it would tackle both moisture and sealant jobs. It totally wasn't cutting it. My hair would feel soft the day of a cowash but after that, dry and rough.

Now that I see the issue, I have started using pure shea to moisturize and the mix to seal. I'm thinking it the HCO that is preventing the shea from penetrating and moisturizing my hair. That's a big reason why I will not use it again when I make a mix. Since my hair is going to be gone for the winter, I won't be able to experiment with this issue til spring. I'll probably purchase some EOs and mango butter this winter so I'll be prepared though. (oh, and I am drinking more water. have to start with the inside and work my way out!)

Shake it out

The one style every natural is familiar with is the was n go. I learned of a variation a while back called the shake n go. I've read of it by another name but cannot remember. I'd tried it before but didn't notice a difference.

On Tuesday, I was in the shower detangling a four day old twist out (yes, four days! I was very happy about that.) I detangled and then added a little more of my beloved HEHH and raked it through my hair (it's called the shingling method. just means you apply tons of condish and rake your fingers through you hair. I used to be so confused because people descriptions of it seem so confusing. But I love raking condish through because it really helps with curl definition). I was standing under the water, rinsing away some of the condish and I shook my head. My hair felt really heavy under the running wate. I touched my hair and the curls were so tight and wonderful. I continued to shake under the water for a minute. I turned off the water and shook out at much of the excess water as I could. I did use a towel to blot my hair a very very small amount. I didn't want to rub it across the curls and ruin them but I detest water dripping down my face and neck while I'm trying to dry off.

The shake and go was above awesomeness. The curls were so tight and beautiful. I already have a hard time keeping my hands out of my hair but it was soooo bad that day. I'll definitely be repeating this method with every shake/wash n go that I do.

The successes with my hair these past couple of weeks has made me fall back in love with my hair. Now that I'm attempting styles that my hair is ready to do, I'm not feeling so impatient an irritated. The only bad thing is, my renewed love affair will be ending this weekend. I made an appt to get Senegalese twist on Saturday. (appt made while I was still mad) So this natural is going into winter protective mode. I'll miss my hair but look forward to all the new growth that will await me come spring. I'm hoping that with more hair and the knowledge I've gained of my hair these four short months, that I will have more exciting styles for this upcoming spring. I'm also hoping that with over 16 months worth of hair growth, that this time next year, I won't have to get twist with extension to do protective styles. I should be able to do protective styles with my own hair. Normally, I love winter but I can hardly wait for next spring!

Love...hate...LOVE

I haven't written anything in a long time. It actually feels weird that I haven't. So...my last couple of posts were about the fight I was having with my hair. I wanted something different. I wanted my hair to be pinned up or something that looked different than the wash n gos I'd been doing. I was over it. When it wouldn't (because I'm too impatient to wait for it to grow), I got upset with it. I was even tempted to scrap some funds together to purchase a really good flat iron to straighten it out. (This being bad because I promised myself no heat until at least next spring. Maybe even longer.)

Once I got over the fact that my hair isn't ready for all that, I got realistic. I tried to create another flat twist design but that didn't work. It was really hard. I started looking at my fav blogs and photo galleries of the natural hair groups on Facebook. I came across a tutorial I'd seen before on flat twist with bantu knotted ends. I got up and tried it. It came out ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS!!!!!!!!!! I was so happy because my hair did something I wanted it to do. I loved it! (of course i forgot to take picture.) I retwisted a few times because I took them loose while one side was still damp. That lasted a week.

After I wore a wash n go for one day, I flat twisted again. This time I did more twist, trying to get more definition. And I used HE Long Term Relationship conditioner as a moisturizer (I'm having moisture issues which I'll talk about later.) and a small amount of Shea butter and IC Fantasia gel. I loved the definition, however, doing them smaller meant more parts to cover. That was an issue considering my hair is short. Plus, more twist meant more knots which is cool but again, with short hair, it made for a wierd shape that I couldn't fix. I was doing too much manipulation and making my twistout frizzy. So I pulled it back with a headband. Above awesomeness. It looked great. I wore if for 4 days and it looked better with each day. I have learned that humidity from the shower helps make my twist outs better. Here's a pict from day three:

Still making mistakes

For the past week and half, my hair has been unhappy, which has made me unhappy. I noticed for the past week, my hair has been feeling really rough and is drying more than usual. I think I've said before that although my hair tends to be really soft, it dries out very quickly. Using moisturizer on a daily basis is generally the key to keeping my coils happy. (some times I can skip a day but that depends on how heavily I moisturize the day before.) My hair had gotten to the point where the only time it felt moisturized was the day I cowashed.

Today, I opened the closet in my bathroom and realized that I hadn't deep conditioned my air in weeks! Obviously the cause of my issue. So I did a deep condish today and will do so again in another day or so. Trying to remember to do this stuff on a regular basis can get hard some times but my hair won't let me forget. Hopefully by this time next week, I will have fully rehydrated hair.